“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.” – Deborah Reber
Moving past an issue is never easy – especially if that issue is with someone you care about. It’s never fair when you have to sacrifice your opinion or anger to save a relationship; being the bigger person is hard. However if a relationship is important it’s essential, especially when the other person refuses to change. It may be them refusing to admit when they are wrong, or perhaps they just never listen when they say they are – little problems can pile up quickly.
Occasionally we think that pushing the problem down is a way to “deal” with the issue – however it only stays below the surface until a trigger causes it to erupt. If getting over an issue was easy there would be conflict, no strife in any daily interactions. It’s takes a want and a willingness to better yourself – understanding that no one is perfect and showing humility in situations where you may be in the right. Only then can you truly get over an issue and move on, whatever that issue may be. Here is our list of;
7 Ways to Get Over it
1) Accept people for who they are
Whether it be a person in your life that continually lets you down, or a situation you thought you would never have to encounter – what’s done is done. There is no moving past it. The person may one day decide that they want to change, and you’ll be there to offer guidance and support – but for the time being you cannot force change onto someone who is not ready or willing to accept it.
2) Take stock of the Important things
Whatever heart ache or disappointment you are experiencing it’s important to put things in perspective. This isn’t just about finding the positive – this is about forgetting the negative; dropping the things that make little difference but we feel for some reason that they are important. Those little fights and arguments that we make into mountains of problems. In the end no one ever remembers the little things.
3) Remind yourself of your imperfections
We often hear how important it is to believe in yourself and stay strong willed, strong minded and always fight for what you believe is right. It’s equally important to know that you are human and that you too have flaws. There is nothing wrong with a little bit of humility and it often allows people to admit their short comings if you honestly and truly admit to your own.
4) Find the Positive
Find your three; the three big things you cannot live without. They are not always the same and when one of your three leaves you will find something to replace it. You will always have those three important things – even if they are different, remember that. Maybe it’s not three, maybe it’s five or ten – it doesn’t matter the number – it’s a way to remind yourself that even if your wife forgot to pick up the dry cleaning you still have those things most important to you.
5) Talk it Out
It doesn’t have to be with the person you’re feeling let down by – but talking it out with someone can be very helpful – especially if that person has dealt with what you’re going through. So you’re having trouble getting over the fact that your family is consistently letting you down, talk to them about it – let them know that it’s not okay to you – but do it with diplomacy and acknowledge your own flaws – they may fire something back at you you’re not ready for.
6) Don’t Dwell
There is a big difference between not letting something go and not allowing yourself to dwell on something. React appropriately, deal with the issue and move one – don’t bring it back up months later to hurt them, because it will only end up being thrown back in your face. No one likes having previous versions of themselves force fed to them. People change – let’s hope most change for the better.
7) Give it Time
If all else fails, time heals all wounds; this is true but giving it time is more about allowing them to grow as a person. People are always changing – even at 50+ years old – play along for now because I’m sure one day they’ll get it – they’ll understand and you were right and they will thank you for it. And if not? Who cares; see Number 1.